Jet Grind Critic

[Jiperly]

Just copying and pasting from CAD

The Story seems pretty compelling, although it moves pretty slowly. Also, theres plot holes too. like why did, after the police "smashed" in(judging from the sound effect), did it take 3 comics for the police to get the dudes? Is their apparment that big?

And if they escaped from jail, why do they return to their house? Wouldn't the cops look there? that makes no sense!

Also, In the jail scene, where they show "Yo-Yo strikes Again", the spray pain is runny- if these guys are as skilled at graffti as you want us to believe, they would never leave such a lame calling card.

The lighting is excellent, to say the least, but you seem to use alot of screenshots for background scenes- it would look better if you just took those scenes and drew them yourself(and yes, i easily reconized the jail cell was a 3D box with a skin of graftti on it.)

Your character could use some work though- everyone but Yo-yo seems so strained to get a look you can't work with(esspecially gum, who always seems to have a flat face- her breasts have more 3D to them)- practise with the characters- make them sparkle- then you can make a comic to be proud of.

Yo-yo seems to be a loud-mouth take action type. Corn seems to be the leader, slient but with smarts type. Gum seems to be the mystery woman whose looking to be saved from her past. But Tab seems to have no real character, other than for people to drill on- try working on him, cause every major character needs personality.

Also, i'm confused about one thing- are they the entire GG's? Cause then why was A)Yoy- trying to join if there was only 2 people(hardly something that would be given notice in the streets) and B) Gum wanted to find them to help protect her

I mean, theres probly dozens of gangs out there that could have protected her- esspecially the 99th street (who seem to be excusively large breasted women)

Good luck man- and good job so far.

[Professor K]

(also copying and pasting from CAD)

wow Jiperly, you've brought up some excelent points. I'll try to respond to as many as I can.

1. I admit smash wasn't the best onomatopeia... perhaps... bang, pow, or boom suggesting the door was in the proccess of being knocked down. My bad.

2. Again, my bad... (the return to house thing) But where else are they to go? Tab and Corn are brothers, thats their place, as learned in issue 2, Yoyo is new to the city, probably spending time in hotels, or back alleys...

3. I guess there's no pleasing eh? well.. yeah... that is a lame calling card... but if you remember it says they have about fifteen minutes to do their business. and get out, If you think about it, since Yoyo was the one to suggest causing havoc, the reader is led to assume that he is the one that does the main trick: the whole facepaint on the police officer, while perhaps tab and Corn were in the cell doing graffiti. In a last quick attempt to let himself be known, as Yoyo rushed into the cell to tell Tab and Corn to leave, he quickly sprayed, in the first color he found "the Yoyo Strikes again" and they booted out of there. The second time he makes his mark, he is doing it on the face of a conscious victim... not much time to do something fancy either.. (the comic is a smudge more realistic than the games...but not much)

4. if you notice... the final few pages of issue 2 are done with lame photoshop techniques, and the final panels of Issue 2 I did just that. Specifically, panel 1 of page 17 is a re-creation of a screenshot, drawn and colored using photoshop. link here: www.hostultra.com/~jetsetrev/01_02_17.html

As You may know, I'm young. And I've taken up a large task in this comic... this is my first production and I've already learned alot. I figure that the strip type comic is done far too much, and I wanted to try something new. I'm glad to have critics, and I will definately be more careful with my plots.

As for your last question... A back story issue of all the Original five GGs will be
made after the fifth is introduced. Thanks to you, Jiperly, This issue will focus on tying up loose ends, such as the "getting a new apartment" thing. As for the why a gang with 2 members is so important... that topic was on purpose... and you'll have to wait a long time to figure it out. (here's a clue: it's not quantity, it's quality)Again, I'm glad for the critisism, it gives me a chance to improve.

[vegasbobcat]

Even with the criticism (you can always find room for improvement), it's still a great issue K. . . .Keep up the good work!!

[SodaCombo]

i thought it was an awsome comic
the story waz great and itz just getting started
or at least in comparison to me
i couldnt write my way out of a paper bag
and teh artwork really brought teh feel of jsr into form
i cant wait to see teh other GGs come in
*they show up later rite?*
any way i hope u make many more comix

[Skinny]

as for the drips in the graffiti, they were in a prison so they wouldn't be able to get any good paint. cheap paint = drips.

[card]

yea, the comic is good.Hopefuly it stays with us

[Jiperly]

I'm back for the next comic!

First off- Amazing improvement. Alot of good work, esspecially(surprise surprise) with Yo-yo. The Angles, zoom, all that is, for the most part, well paced.

Nonetheless, I'm not here to point out how good the comic is coming along- i'm here to offer insight so you may better yourself, if you so choose.

Why is Tab wearing his touque(yes, thats what they're called) to bed? And whats that smoke flowing him? Tab like the Wacki Tobbaci in the morning? And corn puts on his gloves and werid hat before 8am? Why not his coat too, while your at it?

As usual, you seem to have difficulty with Tab's drawing(corn is only seen twice, but he's done well this time). His mouth looks more like a clowns, and his arms are always on an odd angle. that, when coupled with the shading, looks like its pointed in the wrong direction.

Shading has improved extremely- it seems to be nearly flawless. Good Job.

YoYo is great, but is his hair spray painted on his head as well? We see times when he's going straight down in a drop, but his hair stays glued to his head. I found the last two panels in the fourth strip to be EXTREMELY well done. The scale, lighting, shading and body phsyics all come together in those two shots.

You also improved on the graffti, although you should depend less on the "Magical can of color changing paint that applies patterns while you move" that the game has and more on coventional way to paste your mark.

This storyline is acting more like a Dragonball Z style story- there seems to be a stop every two or three minutes to talk for two or three minutes- then back to the conflict.

It would be better if YoYo and Beat were talking while racing. You are ment to believe that both of them are obessed with winning, but they keep stopping to have a chat.

The Use of language in this comic is surprising. Its innocence and lack of violence or gore implies its aimed at a younger crowd. But then you have them say things like "piss" and "f**k"

The Explosion drawing is most excellent. I can tell alot of effort went into it. It was well spent.

Why is it that every time YoYo hits Beat, he doesn't get hurt? If someone where to jump at you and kick you in the chest with their entire body, wouldn't that hurt? Wouldn't it knock you down?

Also, the women at the end need larger breasts. Its the future man- large breasts for all!

[Professor K]

Thanks for your critiques Jiperly.

To answer some things....

Yes the art has improved... thank you

About the demographic for this comic, and the language.... dude. This isn't supposed to be taken seriously... the fact that there's no blood is my personal choice, it's not that I think my audience can't handle it, it's that I think it doesn't add to the story, and really only makes the comic seem more seroius than it actually is. thats why the words piss, and f*** aren't a big thing for me, I think that they're silly words to begin with, and should not be used to make someone seem tough.. although I can understand why people would do that.

As for the costume issues... I've never seen Corn without his hat... I drew it once in issue 1,but I don't like to do it often, I know people that will not be seen without their hats. As for Tab... have you played JGR? his arms are all over the place, and the smokey lines are more decoration than anything, but if they had a practical purpose I'd say they represent Tabs bad mood in the morning.

I hope that explains some things.